I was kinda pushed into getting better at reflecting about everything I experience everyday, and I figured this would be a good way for me to start...So here I go :)
I've been thinking a lot about being perfect...Haha, I know it's dumb...And people reading are probably have all kinds of alarms going off now. I know wanting perfection is wrong, and I know it's a standard that has brought many people down so many times before. I honestly don't know how to explain it; I just want to have it all; to be so good at being balanced, and sorted...perfect...
I've just started teaching in school again after our summer break, and between working, serving at church and being a human being, I find it so hard to cover myself in all areas smoothly. Like I find I'm always skewed to one end or another, and somewhere something ends up being neglected...Why does that have to happen? Like why can't I give every part of my life all the attention it needs??
One thing I've been bad at is taking care of is myself..I was at work the other day and I was in the room overhearing these two teachers talk about the various diets they are on. It was pretty intense the terms they were using "Morning Diet"..? "Times Two Diet"..? Someone's name diet...? Loads more... And the workout regimens they are on! (How long they were on the treadmill for, what speed they were running at, what their heart rate was like at different times, what they did after that....) Lets just say there was a lot of detail that went into this conversation, and I was left kinda feeling like crap after listening to them...I'm like "Dang, I have not cared about my health in the longest time..."
And randomly, before a good friend of mine left for the UK, he asked me how I was doing...Like how was my heart...And it's just one of those questions that you don't ask a girl cause this whole fountain of emotions spills forth and I didn't know where to start or end, and if I should even say anything cause it was just too much...By the end it was concluded that I had a lot I had shoved under my carpet, and the pile was evident...His advise was to do a spring cleaning every now&then-to let my thoughts out...I need someone to talk to and apparently my heart deserved some tlc :p I'm still struggling with this, (not that I've improved on the previous paragraph) but at least it has been brought to my attention, and I know I should do something about it *thumbs up*
So with all of this, with me trying to perform in school, to serve and to live, I'm just wondering how to balance all of it, and to be a genuinely happy and healthy human being...Someone who has it all...?
I know perfection isn't something I should want, no one's perfect, and no one should be...I suppose it's somewhat comforting to know that when I look at the people around me, everyone's a mess in some way or another,haha...It's a terrible thing to point out, but it reminds me that this is a struggle we all face...Imperfection is what keep us dependent...My question is, what are we dependent on? ;)
Having God in my life and leaning on Him when I see the areas of my life that I fail at makes all the difference...It reminds me that, I'm not supposed to face or do any of this on my own...And when I do fail, when things are skewed...It's okay...He's the one who brings balance to everything, brings balance to me and my heart...And I guess that's the most important thing...If I'm not okay deep down inside, what difference would perfection on the outside make...?
Figure I should just leave it at that...I don't know if that helps anyone, but I think it helped me a little,haha...Hope I'll blog again soon...Let me know your thoughts, if you have any, on this :)
Much Love
