I feel like I'm on my period-pregnant-menopausal-ish person right now to be honest..The mix of emotions is indescribablyy..Some days I am ecstatic and so excited about this new journey, other days I literally feel sick to my stomach (I kid you not, I have never been so nauseous before!) I'm not sure what is going on with me, (and my body) but it does feel like all this newness is adjusting to all of me. Dramatic, I know, but I suppose I shouldn't take this change so lightly now should I? This is my future, the next years of my life will be this life---teaching---for real! It doesn't sound huge, but it is, it's a huge huge thing and I'm glad I'm not taking it lightly :)
I spent the whole of my half-term break preparing for my new class. It took a whole morning to sort my classroom out and have it find some sort of identity and attachment to me. It's not nearly where I would like it to be, but I am happy with where it's at now, it's me...I can walk into class on Monday feeling at home and at ease with the way it looks and feels :) Well worth the labour and effort. As I was getting stuff done, the reality of this being my new "home" was easing it's way in my head...I remember smiling at certain moments and aching at others when I spot areas of the class that I just could not fixx..It's a reflection of me and I want it to look as perfect as possible! I know it's not realistic, but I want to reach to the standards I have set myself to achieve. I want to be that teacher that dreams big and tries so freaking hard to achieve all that she can. I want and believe that the kids under my care will grow & thrive and show progress...progress that I helped create :)
I remember walking down the hallway on my first day visiting my class and getting stares from all the other teachers..Most of them were pleasant and kind stares, but there were some "Geez she's young...How is she going to fit in here???.." stares too. I know I am going to get "That's too much work.." or "Can we not make it simpler??" comments every now and then..And although I will be my polite and jovial self, my answer will always be "No, we must push to give our kids the best..." It's a far fetched dream I will not pass out on any-time-soon. I love teaching and I know I can be a damn good teacher if I tried. What's the point in having something you're good at and not pushing for potential to be achieved. It's like me having a student in my class who is a genius, and me doing nothing to support and push him further as a teacher! I allow him to be average because it's too much trouble to support his potential...nonsense! Wanting the best works both ways, I need to give the best in order to see the best come out of them..And I will..I will try try try as hard as I can :)
These are all just words now and it'll will probably be my last for a very long time. Being a teacher leaves you little time to blog,haha, but I'm glad I got to do this. It'll be a good reminder from time to time :)
