Dear Anne

Dear 2013 Anne,

Usually people do this for future purposes in the long run, but I want to do it just reviewing this year. I figure it'll be good for us to look back on this next year and learn-remember what mattered to us.

So lessons I have learnt from 2013:

1.) Love Mornings

Your job will require you waking up earlier and earlier everyday, so you better get used to loving mornings. When you're at work, the second you step in, you need to be happy, chirpy and ready to work non-stop for the next 9 hours. Also, please sleep early the night before; it doesn't do you any favors staying up late and dragging yourself with coffee that doesn't agree with your system the next day. 

2.) Organize yourself
It helps when you prepare for the days and weeks ahead. As lazy as you are, you need you take the time to structure yourself and your life. I think we could be a better us if we took the time to do that. We bought an amazingly awesome planner, lets actually put it to use this year shall we..? 

3.) Take the Trouble

In 2014, take the trouble; take the trouble to plan for lessons, take the trouble to help your kids out even though they tug on your very last nerve...take the trouble to check up on your friends, take the trouble to have a more colorful social life...take the trouble to sit down with God more often, take the trouble to read, listen and talk...Go out of your way next year, and be a blessing to others. 

4.) Guard Your Heart....
Know now that balance isn't something you've quite mastered yet. In relationships, you tend to throw in everything you have, only to end up really broken. Your Father did warn you about this:
"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." Proverbs 4:23
So remember to question where your heart is at, and to lead it back to balance. We don't want to shut people out, neither do we want to put ourselves out there completely.

At the same time...






5.) Love Even Though it Hurts Sometimes
No matter how right you might think you are, or how wrong the other person is; no matter how selfish both parties have been; no matter how little attention you get; no matter how taken for granted you feel...it doesn't matter how justified and cared for you feel in a relationship...you need to love them anyway...love because that is your surrender to forgiving them, love because indifference is so much harder..love because you know it's good for the both of you, love because that's what God would want you to do...

6.) Grace
Do everything with the grace of God. That's the only way to live; only way to be happy; only way to hope. 

7.) Put God First
Ironic that I'm typing this last,haha. Saving the best for last...
No matter how swayed, how far you've drifted, how long away you are from home...Know that you can always head back and choose every day, every minute, every moment, to put Him first. Never question His love for you (or vice versa). Know that you belong; you're wanted and accepted; you're cared for and loved. And in the end of the day, the things of this world will fail, but He won't. He never will....Stop apologizing, start living :)



Have an awesome 2014. Lotsa love ♥

My Biggest Achievement In Life...

I'm getting really bad at organizing my thoughts and time again..I seem to struggle more when I've actually got time because I keep thinking "I've got time, I'll do it later"..and it never gets done..Why am I so bad at managing myself sometimes...? #mymomentofselfpity

So moving on to what I actually wanted to talk about: Identity. 

I don't know if any of you have ever seen "The Conversation With Amanda DeCadenat". If you haven't (if you have skip on over to the next next line), it's basically an alternative interview series with women whom have a story or experience to share. No topic is off limits, she (Amanda), brings up everything imaginable during the conversation, and it's honestly really good, like it's done in such a way that you feel like you were a part of the conversation..? I can't really explain it, but I learn a lot watching it..And there are some bits that I totally disagree with and sometimes I either fast forward cause it gets too raunchy or boring, but for the most part, I like it, I really feel inspired and enlightened listening to the stories these women have to tell; very very eye opening :)

There was this one interview that Amanda had with Zoe Saldana (actress). Again some bits where I was like "Hmm, I don't agree...", but there was one particular part where time froze for me..I remember hearing her say it for the first time..and I kept replaying it over and over again cause it reallyy spoke to me..And not just in a "oh that was good" way...Like it reeeaaaallllyy spoke to me..My thought process shifted a little and I got perspective I didn't have before watching that clip. 

I don't want to play it, cause it has bits I don't like,hahah, but I'll type up the part which I did like...

Amanda: As an objective outsider, I can see in your career choices, that you are one of the very few women who has a career that defies what sex you are

Zoe: I'm not defined by sex, I'm not defined by race, I'm not defined by a nationality, I'm Zoe...shrugs shoulders...and I could have been a boy, could have been a dog, but I'm just..I'm Zoe...I'm my mother's daughter, I'm my father's daughter, and that is my...how' how..how do you say..starts speaking in foreign language...that's my biggest achievement in life...

My Biggest Achievement in life...How many of us can say that our biggest achievement in life is knowing exactly who we are? And how many of us can say that who we are is exactly as we are, naked, without ties to things, places& people..Just us as a whole, being ourselves, is enough to sum our identity..Can many of us say that?? 

I was thinking about this so hard after I watched this...Though I know what constitutes the term "identity", I don't think I've ever just latched it on to me just being me..And it took me a while to work out with God that for me to truly live a life free from the cares of this world, I needed to accept all of ME as I AM and LOVE myself and who God has made me...


I don't know if I'm making much sense, and some of you are probably thinking "Yeahh..duhh" and it is probably a very "duhh" thing to talk about, but for me personally, I cannot say that I'm all there yet with loving the person that God has made me..Some days I really struggle with insecurities and trying to please the world instead of my God, and that will always be a work in progress for me..But on days where I do love God first, and where I am truest to the person He made me, I wear a smile because that was an achievement for me..Loving God is to love myself; there will no greater achievement for me than this  ;)

This is just my moment of "whoahh" and "I must tell someone" haha..I hope this has shifted your thinking too..Just know that no one can or should ever define you..Your definition comes from God, your maker.He knows and loves you exactly as you are and wants nothing more than to see you live life as you :)

You should check more of Amanda's "interviews" out on Youtube, they're all really awesome and you can learn a lot from these women :) 

Much Love

5 Reasons Why I Love Being A Teacher

1.) It's quite possibly the funnest job in the world!
To wake up every morning at 5:30am is a heavy burden; but to wake up to the thought that I'm going to be teaching 20 awesome kids changes everything; makes everything worth it..Kids are never boring, never tedious, never a chore..They're unpredictable, chaotic, and absolutely adorable; which makes this job so so fun :D

2.) Forces me to squeeze every creative juice out of mee...
I think you can tell from the way my blog is set up, I'm not the most artistic of bloggers..And I feel like I have little to no talent honestly, but when I'm with my kids, I learn, and I'm inspired :) Their simplicity and artistic perspective blows my mind; reminds me that there's hope for all,haha! The best of teachers are creative geniuses  so I'd like to think I'm working my way there ;P

3.) I don't always do the teaching
Best BEST part is when I learn from my kids :) And it isn't always about the curriculum, just them being themselves..The way they interact with one another: how they love, how they fight, how they forgive, how they care for each other..There's just so much innocence& sincerity faded from us that is still in them; such a joy watching them and learning :)



4.) You guessed it!
Hahah, honestly we'd be dead if we did not have our breaks! School holidays are ahhmaazhingg #EnoughSaid


5.) When they finally get it....
There are some lessons that you teach that are easy, and it's good and you're happy...But on days when you teach something, and no one gets it; no matter how hard you try to explain it, you know there's a wall between you and them..Days like that often end with you (me) feeling like the stupidest, most failed teacher :( But then that day comes...When you dreading-ly revisit the lesson, and you try to get through to them, but half give-up cause you know it's not gonna work...When suddenly...They get it...Like you actually see light bulbs turn on...And you test and retest, and your joy is coming to life; they really do get it...Omg, wow..Seriously..??...#BestFeelingEverrrr...! And not everyday is like that, but just teaching and knowing that you're actually getting the job done is so so rewarding and fulfilling...In the end, us teachers always reflect to see if we've accomplished what we set out to do (in a day, a week, a year even), and more often than not, we never get it all done, not to the standards we set ourselves..And that's frustrating...
But to know we've ticked some boxes, and just gotten somewhere in life with them,haha...no words can describe...Nothing else in this world can replace that feeling for me; knowing that I've done something for them.. #LegacyLeft ;)

Countless Second Chances

I was just thinking about my week today, and it was a good week...Tiring as usual and I struggled feeling a bit sick on a couple of occasions, but overall pretty good...Still, I don't know why, maybe because I felt sick and other things, I was feeling so crap about myself...And I kept complaining about my life to God and kept asking Him to give me a way out, like I just wanted to stop doing everything, just stop and be by myself.

And just when all that honesty came out, this sudden slow & thick fog of regret and shame fell upon me...Like literally I felt my room darken with disappointment as I curled into a corner and cried for even thinking that I had a reason to complain...I kept apologizing to God for being such a difficult person, and then "hating" myself for feeling sorry for myself...It was just a moment of contradictory emotions and after a while, I was left feeling confused and empty...like I felt like I cried everything out and now I have nothing, haha...

Somehow I stumbled upon this video....And really, it is unspeakable how accurately the words hit my heart. Terms like:

 "Our default position as strugglers is to believe that God is disappointed and frustrated at us..that He is simply is tolerating us"

"He does not regret saving you."

"You haven't surprised Him, you cannot surprise Him"

"You do not disgust Him"

I don't know about you, but even though I've been in a relationship with God for a while, and know by heart the forgiveness of Christ, I still struggle with shame and worthlessness...

I can't count the amount of times I drop my head down thinking that God just saw that and is disappointed in me (even though I know better!!) And it takes time for it to sink in, it takes time for me to accept the way God sees me, takes time for me to accept myself the way He does...And just to allow His love in completely...


I hope this is a good reminder for you because it certainly was for me...I think this is a closet struggle for a lot of us. Sometimes expectations from front, right, left and center put us at a high pedestal position and when we think we've failed, the drop from the top is long and we feel the pain of crashing...But I think it's important to know that God doesn't see us that way...It's not about performing, not about living up to things...The hardest, yet easiest thing we can do is to know and accept that who we are (exactly as we are now) is all God loves and cares about...That's all...



Let me know your thoughts and struggles, if you have any, it's good to know I'm not alone too,haha ;)

 

Less than perfect

So I've been thinking about doing this for a very long time, just never found the time, inspiration and lets face it, I was just lazy to get my thoughts sorted out... But yet here I am now...

I was kinda pushed into getting better at reflecting about everything I experience everyday, and I figured this would be a good way for me to start...So here I go :)

I've been thinking a lot about being perfect...Haha, I know it's dumb...And people reading are probably have all kinds of alarms going off now. I know wanting perfection is wrong, and I know it's a standard that has brought many people down so many times before. I honestly don't know how to explain it; I just want to have it all; to be so good at being balanced, and sorted...perfect...

I've just started teaching in school again after our summer break, and between working, serving at church and being a human being, I find it so hard to cover myself in all areas smoothly. Like I find I'm always skewed to one end or another, and somewhere something ends up being neglected...Why does that have to happen? Like why can't I give every part of my life all the attention it needs?? 

One thing I've been bad at is taking care of is myself..I was at work the other day and I was in the room overhearing these two teachers talk about the various diets they are on. It was pretty intense the terms they were using "Morning Diet"..? "Times Two Diet"..? Someone's name diet...? Loads more... And the workout regimens they are on! (How long they were on the treadmill for, what speed they were running at, what their heart rate was like at different times, what they did after that....) Lets just say there was a lot of detail that went into this conversation, and I was left kinda feeling like crap after listening to them...I'm like "Dang, I have not cared about my health in the longest time..." 

And randomly, before a good friend of mine left for the UK, he asked me how I was doing...Like how was my heart...And it's just one of those questions that you don't ask a girl cause this whole fountain of emotions spills forth and I didn't know where to start or end, and if I should even say anything cause it was just too much...By the end it was concluded that I had a lot I had shoved under my carpet, and the pile was evident...His advise was to do a spring cleaning every now&then-to let my thoughts out...I need someone to talk to and apparently my heart deserved some tlc :p I'm still struggling with this, (not that I've improved on the previous paragraph) but at least it has been brought to my attention, and I know I should do something about it *thumbs up*

So with all of this, with me trying to perform in school, to serve and to live, I'm just wondering how to balance all of it, and to be a genuinely happy and healthy human being...Someone who has it all...?

I know perfection isn't something I should want, no one's perfect, and no one should be...I suppose it's somewhat comforting to know that when I look at the people around me, everyone's a mess in some way or another,haha...It's a terrible thing to point out, but it reminds me that this is a struggle we all face...Imperfection is what keep us dependent...My question is, what are we dependent on? ;)

Having God in my life and leaning on Him when I see the areas of my life that I fail at makes all the difference...It reminds me that, I'm not supposed to face or do any of this on my own...And when I do fail, when things are skewed...It's okay...He's the one who brings balance to everything, brings balance to me and my heart...And I guess that's the most important thing...If I'm not okay deep down inside, what difference would perfection on the outside make...? 

Figure I should just leave it at that...I don't know if that helps anyone, but I think it helped me a little,haha...Hope I'll blog again soon...Let me know your thoughts, if you have any, on this :)

Much Love